End it.

I love it when people read blog posts of mine and think they're about them. A few people have done it but this big drama shit? from the very first day, they assumed that the posts were about him, they thought that everything I wrote was about them and no one else. They have no idea what happens in my life, who I'm missing, who I care about but yet, they always thought it was ALL about HIM or THEM.

Do we all see the problem here? There are very few posts that I have written that involve them, or even mention them. Maybe the post was written on something that happened with him/them but never were they mentioned or even brought into it, a lot of the time it was just my thoughts on the situation.. that's right, my thoughts..

I'd like to mention too, that from day one, when the first post was misinterpreted it was about a guy that I was really close with and a now 'ex' coming back into the situation, I was upset and a mess and someone was all sad saying that someone had died, some how that moved four days later to "I Love you" and ever since that shit hasn't stopped. I'd like to clearly point out that I Don't Love You and I haven't. Sure we were friends, we got close but in four days to say those words? bit creepy, don't you think?

I cared about you, you were my friend and nothing else, it was horrible seeing you suffer and I, out of kindness tried to help you as much as I could but now? now what? now you two make everything into drama, I could have ruined things between you two with just saying three words and you would have left her and come to me. but I didn't.. why didn't it? because I wanted nothing, and ever since you two have been together you've been trying to make it like I'm jealous and I want him. I don't think he's telling the truth on everything and she's just a stupid bitch for believing everything.

You're both as insecure as the other and you're driving me fucking crazy. Erase my name from the sentences you speak, don't think about me, don't love me and leave me alone for fuck sake.

I still have more proof about things that happened after the date of the '16th' but I'm not going to show anything more than that one paragraph , I'm not going to wreck anything and you can both live happily.. just quit the fucking drama.

Its not fair on me, but he's not treating her fair either. Clear your shit up and start fresh. Its doing my fucking head in already. Move the fuck along and quit thinking everything's about you, Its all happened now.. but don't let it happen again. it isn't fair to whoever the other person copping all this shit is.

Just incase you missed a very important point.. I'm over it, I want nothing more to do with either of you and I want ALL this drama to stop. Grow up, act your fucking ages.. I'm younger than you both. End it..

End the drama and live, live your own life how you wish, without including me in anything.

ehm..

I don't understand what you expect me to do.

Confession.. 025

I don't feel well.

Bed time at 9:30 for me.

Life's so sucky at the moment, and I wish people would get the hint, that I'm not interest nor do I give a fuck, so they can like.. move on with their lives.

Beyond that..

Its just that feeling.. of wanting so badly to be in his arms, but he's way too far :(

Goodnight.

bleh

I feel so lost today, so confused and so, just.. bleh.

I'm over unnecessary drama, I'm over people being immature and pathetic.. I'm over it all and I wish people would grow up.

Sigh, I feel so lost, in my own head. I hate getting close to people, I hate how things happen online and how pathetic people can get.. honestly I don't understand how I can really do anything..

People will be people.. and no matter now long this lasts.. you can't expect anything more from them, I guess..

The end.

Meh.

Funerals.

A couple of days ago I went to a funeral.

I started writing this post, yesterday I believe and came back to it today, I wasn't sure what to write but I think I'll just ramble on a little.

The person was someone close but not close enough for me to be crying and stuff, sure it was very sad, but it was also interesting to see, it was the first funeral I had been to and I'm glad it was that one, it was all closed coffin and the lady, god rest her soul was lowered into the ground in the coffin too. In some other religions I believe its incredibly different e.g Muslims and what not. Just incase you were wondering, I'm Greek Orthodox.

So, I went because my cousin had asked me to go.. but as it usually does she finds comfort in someone else or kinda just things go meh.. and it did, I didn't expect things to go any more different then they did but of course i was kinda disappointed, all that aside, most of it was okay, it went how they normally go, everyone was crying, sad, showing their respects to the family, but it was her time to go, she had suffered so long, in the slightest, I mean, being diagnosed with a critical heart condition, almost 19 years ago.. she had a tough life and now she can finally be at rest.

It makes me sad, when things like this happen, the lady was 61 years of age, she was young.. now put things into perspective and know that your grandparents are older, or your father has just passed 50.. and each and every one of them could be right around the corner, or some freak accident could happen and someone really close to you could pass, its sad, but its part of life and something we must deal with on a daily basis, I guess going to these things just make the thoughts that flood through a little worse or more intense for the moment.

It kinda sucks.. I lie.. it really fucking sucks but i guess it'll all be okay for now, I couldn't imagine the day that i lost someone really close to me.. I'd be a complete and utter mess.

What can we do? for now we don't think of these things, just I guess, know the time will come.

We can try and hide.

“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.” ― Marilyn Monroe

I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.

- Marilyn Monroe

I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it.

- Marilyn Monroe

I have too many fantasies to be a housewife. I guess I am a fantasy.

- Marilyn Monroe

I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.

I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle…

But if you can’t handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best!

—Marilyn Monroe

Unknown.

Its a pity when you have those friends you classify as 'very close' or 'great' and then others come across and push their nose into things.. causing that persons train of thought to go fucked.. its like watching your best friend in high school be influenced by the 'bitch' and suddenly from doing well in school they begin doing drugs and never turning up.. It feels like you lose apart of you, someone you could trust and talk to. But really how much could you if in just a short time this person has been influenced that much that their thoughts have turned to shit?Its such a shame to watch, to lose what you had, no matter how long it was for and what it was.. it will always be something and always had been something.

Maybe they're happier where they are now? maybe in the near future they'll be running from that and back to what they had.. but how long do you keep that spot open? do you risk it all happening again and you getting hurt? when do you close off and expect better from people? When do you know when enough is enough? Do you have to be the nice one that gets walked all over all the time, the one that's always left those spots open, that catches every 'friend' when they fall?

Do these people ever realise what they're doing to the other person?

Do they understand how much this hurts, every time it happens?

Do they even really care..?

So many thoughts, so many questions.. you can answer them all from what you see, but what do they think about it all? Do they read or see something and come running to you the next day with what you've heard many times before or do they continue

to ignore you?

Is Karma the answer?

Will that sort your thoughts?

Will it sort your problems?

Will it sort your everything?

Who knows, what's supposed to be in this big, wide world, who knows what's supposed to be the answer to anything, to everything. Apparently god has a plan.. apparently there's a one for everyone, some day we'll all get ours.. we just have to wait and see.

Confession.. 024

Woohoo!

I hate being sick!

I just enjoy, spending two days in bed.. as sick as a freaking dog. In the last 48 hours, god knows how many of them have been spent sleeping.. but i'd say most have.

I hate being sick, feeling so heavy, drowsy, sneezing, runny nose my head feels like its honestly about to explode. FML like they say.

Thank you to a few special people who have been there and made sure that i've been okay.. you three mean a lot.. even though you couldn't physically be here, your words did enough.

Sooo, lets hope i'm back on my feet by tomorrow and back to work, because another day of pure sleeping shall drive me crazy, although it feels like i haven't slept at all :/

Confession.. 023

There's always that awkward moment when a really good friend goes out with someone you can't stand.. and they could do and have so much better.. knowing that when/if things end, it'll be a train wreck.

confession.. 022

song,

no youtube option anymore?

I'm sorry.

Confession.. 021

Usually when my friends are happy and are going through good parts of their life.. i like to be happy with them and be there for them.

Grow up, People.

These Complicated Things.

 My thoughts, ever since I've come back.. have literally been eating me alive and I'd be surprised if they weren't the reason for my fucking shitty ass sleep last night.. but life moves on. There are.. at least two people.. that seem to like me at the moment, although they are all in America (silly people) there's one that I'm very close and leaning towards as of late. Ever since I arrived home, all that has been on my mind is him, he's an amazing guy but I'm so incredibly scared, I've been open and honest with him the whole time this has been going through, he knows everything and there are no secrets.

I'm not scared of committing myself, I'm not scared of hurting him.. I'm.. just scared of myself. (If that makes any sense.) I've been the biggest mess, I've been so confused and lost that a lot of the time I just zone out and disappear into a land that I don't even know.. I guess its my route of escape to get away from my thoughts.. or to at least drown in them.

We've spoken many times about us being together.. and we've mentioned how it might not work.. and it always comes down to the option of 'what do you really want' is it worth trying for or should things just stay as they are, although on both ends the feelings are there, does anyone ever really know what to do? Is it maybe the fact that I'm so afraid of getting hurt over and over that I just don't want to do anything? I don't want to lead him on and drag him along.. so I've made sure to include him in my crazy thought processes. He's never judged me, never pushed me along in a certain direction, no matter what he wants and he's always been there from me, always.. from the time we started speaking, almost a year ago.

He does, and he knows that he means a lot to me and that I really do care.. It's really disappointing we didn't get to meet while I was there and I was quite close.. but I guess meeting just wasn't meant to be this time. Time apart and not talking made us both realise that we missed each other tremendously and how much one meant.. along with some other stuff from the past, which always factors in on my thoughts too.. which I'm not too sure if he knows.

I guess we'll just wait and see how things go and how they progress.. as for now, back to my unknown world.

Tunes # 7

Totally obsessed with this, ever since the states.

Armerica.. 00008 - THE END.. part 1

Home sweet home.
It feels so amazing to finally get off that 14 hour flight and  know that you're home, with the ones that you love and love you most, no matter how much they annoy you. Its amazing how much things change in such little time and how much you realise that you missed someone, when you see them. I don't like to admit, but I missed my twin a shit load, sure we've been away from each other but not for such a long time. she's like my second leg, without her i'm.. myself but I feel so empty. I also missed the huge bitch sessions we have. Hehe.

I was going to upload some picture from the trip and show some of what was taken, but I seem to be a little lazy at the moment. I will certainly get to that.. Oh and I still think Cali is amazing.

:)

Armerica.. 00007

I leave the states today, not for a good while though because our plane departs at 11:55pm
But I leave today and I'm actually really excited to go home..  Only until I get there because we land at 7am and by 9 my dad wants me working.. Yay for life. (It didn't happen thank god, i have at least until tomorrow..)

I leave today and although I will miss one particular person I've been talking to a crap load over the past   three weeks, I can't wait to get back home. All good things, eventually come to and end.

I did edit this post.. and I'll still continue to keep it short and sweet...

See you all soon!