"To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another"
I've been thinking as of late what it'd be like to have a Sir, a Master.. Knowing he's always there.. Always cares.. Knows what you need What you want.. How to treat you how much to push, how far he can go.. and when to stop.. and just hold you..
I've gotten a few offers as of late.. but to me its just silly. I don't care if the relationship is online, or it grows from a great friendship.. but i don't understand how you can just jump into a relationship like this with someone you've spoken to for only about two days.. how you can trust them.. how you can fully submit and do as you're asked to do, taught, expected to do?
I mean.. I'd jump.. I'd LOVE to share this experience with someone.. but not until the right time... and i guess i decide who and when that will be.. So stop asking.. actually think about these things before you go and ask any random person in the world that you have no idea who/what they are.. because.. you might get yourself into some horrible things.. unless they're just some random.. that you just want to play around with and not really be serious about it.. but whats the point? May as well just call it Roleplay.
We all.. have those emotions hiding... there's always a brave face we put on.. always someone we trust enough to break down in front of..someone we'll always care about.. and many we won't care about.. dreams that we'll always have.. that may or may not come true.. i say.. just live your life, see where it goes... nothing to lose!.. keep those extra smiles.. those hugs.. those little feelings for when they're needed.. don't always bring them out, don't hide away from everything... be yourself :)
Hmm.. i wanna blog.. i don't wanna hurt anyones feelings.. i'm not sure what to say or what to do... i guess i'll think about it a little longer.. and decide what will happen.. i guess.. that's just not what i classify a "friend" i wish i could read minds, to know what others were thinking half the time... things seem to be getting more and more on my nerves as of late....
Russia... seems to be one of those high on my stats list as of late.. and it's sparked my curiosity BIG time to know who you are... so if you would like to..come out of hiding and let me know (if i know you or not) I'd love to know..
I've been walked on, used and forgotten and i don't regret one moment of it because in those moments, I've learned a lot. I've learned who i can trust and can't. I've learned the meaning of friendship. I've learned how to tell when people are lying and when they're sincere. I've learned how to learned how to be a teenager, and how to grow up when i need to. I've been to hell and back a few times, and i won't ever take what i have for granted. This is life, live it one day at a time. You never know how many days you've got left..
- unknown quotes
And we put a fake smile to hide the pain, yet we wish someone would look closely enough and see how broken we are inside..
-unknown quotes
If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you, but for some reason he couldn't stay, don't cry too much.. just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow he made you happy, even for a while..
-unknown quotes
Move on. It is just a chapter in the past, but don't close the boot - just turn the page..
Those moments.. you wan't to disappear.. to just be alone.. wishing no one, nothing was around.. to dig a little hole and curl up into it.. to just hide, away from everyone, forever..
These moments.. not even a friend can help.. no point to worry.. or be sad.. cause they'll pass.. eventually..
yeah.. that's now..
Thursday, November 3, 2011
So.. i haven't written a proper blog post in a while, been too busy making it all pretty.. so i thought it was about time, now that i have enough things, that have happened in life to actually say a few of them rather then just having one issue and babbling on a little about it..
Where to start? That's always the most difficult part.. I guess we can start with Family.. the issues that are always there and never seem to go away. My family always seems to be the same, the same people always whinging, bitching, the people you love turning against one another.. working against, not with.. and why? Whats the reason behind it all? In the end.. is it really worth it?
I mean.. you have your family forever, they're the ones you can always turn to, they're the ones that are always there for you when you need them.. but we fight so much.
it's like no one really matters, like its all too hard and resorting to fighting is much easier.. i guess you could call it sibling rivalry.. but it's too constant, it's too much.
It's something that needs to be worked on.
Work..
Has been kinda interesting lately, i don't know if I'd say it has been bad.. because it's changed quite a bit... it fits better now, i feel like i actually want to go, to be there, to do what i need to do.. instead of waking up and thinking.. "oh fuck, not this again." It's been so busy as of late... so many hours worked over time... i can't wait to get paid.. most likely be spent on another pair of shoes.. but that's nothing new now.. it's like a weekly occurrence :P
So Hmmm.. I've decided to go back to school, to study, to move on in life.. I had a little trouble deciding what it was that i wanted to do.. but of course just resorted to the first choice, that i picked back in high school of Children. I hope to be doing a traineeship in Children Services.. which means I'll have the opportunity to work and study at the same time, most likely in a childcare centre, which is awesome. I think.. my main reason to study again, is to get out in the real world, away from my computer, away from the Internet, meet some people, make friends.. and actually do something different, that i absolutely hate to do.. but it's defiantly time to do it!
I'm excited, scared, happy.. all at the same time.. and really, I can't wait!
Babblesex.
Yeah.. that's the one, the "Adult Community" where everyone goes just to sex online... I have met.. an awesome group of people off this "adult chat" some of which, if i hadn't met and spoken to.. i would have literally gone crazy.. some of which that mean the world to me and some of which that I'd be completely lost without.. one of two, that i can say I've fallen a little for... that if they were closer.. would make the best boyfriend in the world.. but they're not.. they're still so far.. i still talk to them, then they make their way from sexing buddy to the "just friends" so i can control the emotion around them, and weather or not... we get sexual.. most the time less then more.
Each time one becomes the friend... a new one seems to pop up.... in the last week there's been a new one that i adore, he's amazing.. just simply amazing.. he's great to talk to, i love talking to him... I'm just always so worried I'm going to say something I'll regret or it's just going to fuck up some how.. I'm walking on too many egg shells..
anyways. the last couple of days I've taken a break from babble.. and i think it did good, it was something lots of people didn't understand but it just gave me that little bit of a break, it was enough to just.. get away and think without going crazier, worrying about more things, getting frustrated over and over.. now i can actually wake up and the first thing i do, is not log onto babble.. i don't "need" it as much as i did.. i can go without no problem.
I'm still so far off being 100% happy, so so far.. but it's a working progress.. I'll get there in the end..
I'd like to say.. a big thank you to all those people, that are there for me, that I'd consider great friends, that i wish were closer.. and in real life.. it's people like you that are missing from my every day life.. so.. Thank You!
