Ridiculous.

How Or when do you know, that its over reacting?
Are you supposed to be everyones little puppet in life? Do as they wish and make them happy? Or are you supposed to live your own damn life and hope or watch them pretend they're happy for you? When.. oh when does one actually give respect back, to the people it always comes from? and when.. have things gone too far?

Last night, we were kicked out of the house for four hours, while my sister decided she was going to make her boyfriend dinner. From the beginning, I was never asked if this was okay, nor did anyone even give a fuck what I thought. So whatever, in the end I went out and it was okay to begin with, we picked up my mums sister, my aunt.. obviously and went out to dinner. Four hours is a long time, to waste between the time of 8 - 12, when everything finishes quite early and things close in this shitty city.

After dinner, we sat around for quite a while but time proved that it had only hit 10pm.. by this time my mum had gotten an okay from my sister for us to be back by 11.. we still had an hour to kill. The next half hour we sat in the car and talks, dropping my aunt home and all these things and then there was half hour left.. the thing that pissed me off to the max came next.. we drove a little further and stopped, it was in a small shopping complex with a small variety of stores.

I'm sure you can guess but.. the store they went into isn't one that you go into with your kids, I patiently waited and waited in the car.. I was so fucking bored that I wanted to call my sister and tell her we were on our way back now.. but noo.. one must wait for the silly little girl to get her dammed way which she always seems to get whilst my parents took their sweet time.

Once they came back, my mother asked me why I told her sister, and my reply was simply.. "why did you two have to go in there?" we left.. drove in silence for quite a while before she asks.. "and who else will you tell?" and my dad turns around and replies.. "the whole world" and.. even in this post, I haven't mentioned it, to anyone else last night and this morning I haven't mentioned it, the store could be anything, including a restaurant, desert place, a certain shop I don't enjoy going into.. (if you have ideas in your head this isn't my problem)

Moving along, after that I was incredibly pissed off.. and my mum goes.. "oh.. I didn't realise it'd hve pissed you off that much" Yeah mum, you don't know me and your'e oblivious to how your children react from what happens. Because I've only been born 19 years and you totally don't know this yet.. is incredibly disappointing to your whole entire parenthood.

Anyways.. In the end... I'm not to sure if I'm over reacting or if its something I can be angry at.. obviously it has irritated me and pissed me off to the end of no point.. but its so hard, they talk to you, even from two minutes after it happened like nothing had happened, like it was nothing and like I shouldn't even worry about it.

I believe I have every right to be mad, to be upset and I think its fucked that my sister always gets what she wants, its like this whole world was just made to revolve around her and her schedules. Its fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Just like the whole of last night was.

The end.

Sigh.

I'm slowly falling apart, bit by bit this real life shits getting too much to deal with.

Its so fucking depressing and its so hard to keep myself together..

Just a little bit more.. I hope till its over..

Or wil anything ever change?

:/

The Dominant & submissive world?

Well, you'd think that it'd be a suitable life style for most people, the fact that either the female or the male dominant one would be there for you, you'd be able to let yourself go and give and confide in them, all of your trust but it normally works out that when you finally find someone you think you can trust, they fuck you over. I'm not saying that this happens all the time but fairly often. I guess that's what happens online with the majority of things.

When does it come to a time when you should tell someone everything? When does it come to the time where you need to move on from one and see where your life goes? When does it move from just 'something' to something completely magical? What is right and what is wrong? When does someone begin to treat you unfairly? This is a little ongoing from a previous post i've written.. Older Post.It basically described what I thought about each and every type of D/s relationship that there is around and I thought i'd re-write and see where my thoughts have changed.

Once again lets start with the Dominant ones.. How do you start? I'm completely lost for a moment.. I think my thoughts kind of still flow the same, especially on the part of the Dominant males, pick on people your own size and don't force, harass or use the 'Dominant' ways against or to lure a woman in. Just because a female is submissive, it doesn't mean she'll let you get into her pants with your first couple of words or.. 'actions'. moving along to the bigger, greatest Domme's I have yet to come across a sincere decent one, I think you're all completely full of shit and that if you want to be a bitch to a person of your choice that you're preying on, please fuck off and get a life. You can be a bitch every day you wish and every moment you breathe  - there is really no need to pick a certain person to be a rude c$*t too.

Submissives, I still believe that there is nothing wrong with being yourself, there is nothing wrong with pushing boundaries and also sticking up for yourself. If you've found the right guy or girl, the right Dominant for you, rules will forever be flexible and they will care enough for you to stop when you say no, to keep going when you say more..  Its all in the amount of trust you have in someone, you aren't just i piece of gum that they can walk all over and there is nothing wrong with being a strong minded, will powered woman. Continue, when you must to stick up for yourself and be you, even while being a little, a slave, a submissive. "Don't take the easy way out and jump into a D/s relationship that 'solves' all your problems.. until that's over too."

Those girls, that like to be trampled all over, not in a literal sense, I still go with the words of.. you need help and need to move on bigger and beyond that, it will literally get you no where in life if you haven't yet realised. but I guess if you want to be treated like this forever then meh. Such is your choice and one day you'll realise that you deserve so much better.

I don't know how much of a different this is to the other post but I'd just like to finish it off with a couple of more paragraphs. I'm still not knocking the whole D/d relationship, infact I think they are amazingly great. By now I've been in a few and the difference of what you want  and what you're getting  are obviously different and one can tell. But there's also what you want to get.. which is about where I am for the moment. Obviously things can always be better but you just live and learn.. and continue to be vocal and tell them what you want. The whole relationship is basically built on trust so if things aren't working, neither are your communication skills and if they are.. then.. you're not in the right place.

The end :). .  

Work, Home, Work..

I feel so lost and lonely tonight, I feel like I'm dropping deeper and deeper into a deep, dark and scary place. I honestly don't know why this is happening nor why I'm feeling like this, but all I know that its horrible. Work lately has been disgusting, around certain people. Its becomming to hard to deal with, almost every day. These people don't even understand what they're doing and how they're acting, although they're always the first ones to blame it on someone else because their shit don't stink.

I understand that to these people they're only doing a job, at the end of the day they leave the office and walk out of our front door, they have no more worries, they don't have any stresses, they don't have wages to pay and each and every week they get their pay and y'know life is good.
But when do they realise that they work for a company? a small, family, business that depends on revieving moneys from their clients for their own staff to be paid? when will they realise that it comes to a time where the company won't be able to afford them?

Sometimes it makes me wonder what world people live in, what they think when they're at work and when they're talking, when they're doing stuff and if they ever do stop to think about others. Clearly this isn't the case, what so ever. Does no one care how they make people feel? do they not care how what they say affects the other person and how that person, being around can make a whole office feel so incredibly uncomfortable? Honestly, I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Everyday I wake up in the morning, its like "just another day" another battle and another day of stress to get through. People don't understand in these little businesses that if the business isn't running, everything in the background, the people and the family are also stressing. Its not necessarily my problem nor my stress to worry about but for some reason, being concerned about family isn't too far away from under my wing. I do care, of course I care and I think in this certain circumstance, this silly bitch needs to be removed from the senario, or the work should be taken away from her so that the problems finally stop. I mean she wasn't hired for this.. but no matter how much I say, it doesn't matter most the time.

Everyone thinks I'm bias, because I hate her.. but there are several reasons for this, and they're actually genuine and actually, for once is more than just.. "I just hate her." Its so fucking frustrating, knowing that when you wake up, every day will be like the last, the office surroundings will feel horrible, because as soon as she walks through the door its like HUGE amounts of anger and frustrations radiating off her. She thinks she can say and do as she likes and pays no attention to anyone or anything else. I think its time for a reality check.. if only I could think of a subtle way of doing so..

*begins brain storming*

Hmm, So the last month of so has been extremely stressful, very full on and I honestly felt like i was falling apart. Loads and loads of things have happened butI think I'm in a decent place for the moment.

First of all it began with weird ass pains, some issues with an Ex which obviously ended.. and then with the flu. It took about a week or randomly times rests to finally get better and in that time it seemed that the week it all happened up until today is also the week that a few people felt like reconnecting. I think its great. To get back in touch with great friends makes me happy.

To know that they're there again when you need them puts a smile on my face, sometimes it just makes life a whole lot easier to have people there for you, as I'm sure we all know. Its been a shitty couple of weeks but I'm hoping from today onwards the day will get better and be great. I can only hope!

That's all for now :)