Crave 02.

so.. this is kinda a continuation on from the last one.. more along the lines of what the other stuff was on.. more about that person i had more to talk/say/mention about.. we could call him audio-man.. sounds like a fantastic name for him. soo hmm anyways, the last couple of days as we know have yet again not been the best, there's been time when people that you'd rather not see have popped up.. family seeming to be rather irritating and annoying.. even if you try to do what they ask they always seem to have an issue... and just other various things that always seem to tick that last little nerve that drives you that little bit more crazy, yet it just all gets kept bottled up and nothing happens other than.. from the inside out you get eaten alive with these horrible freaking things.

hmm hmmm hmmm .. hmmm has been the one word i've been saying a lot of lately, i've been asked on several occasions as to why i've keeep saying it.. it's just all these thoughts bottled up and really no way for them to get out.. even if i open up to someone its like not even 1/3 of the information leaves my brain but at the time it feels like its everything. Randomly over the last couple of days there have been random times where i've said something or something's said and i just feel like crying, pouring my eyes out and just.. that's all.. i just want to cry. its like.. it doesn't matter who's around or what's happening but i just want to cry... that's driving me totally insane too.

I hate that I can't control anything that's happening.. it's just so hard to make it through every day and keep my head up.. but in saying that it's not like i'm contemplating death because as crazy as thoughts are.. the thought of killing myself is just too crazy O.o
It will all be okay in the end... although in the mean time i do have some decisions i need made.. and a big one is to go to the states alone or to let my mum drag along... i'm thinking a trip alone would be amazing but i guess we'll see for that one too!


hmm i just realised that i mentioned audio-man at the beginning and no where else.. i believe you get your own post tomorrow.. 1:36am and i'm off to sleep. Goodnight everyone.