Happy New Years Eve.

Sooo... we're back at this time of the year again, where everyones planning to go out tonight, get smashed and not remember the first days of 2012.. some would say it's all to forget what's happened through the year and... others would call it plain stupidity.. who on earth wants to wake up and spend the 1st with an extremely sore head? - many it seems. 

anyways, as the year comes closer to ending... it truly doesn't make much of a difference to me.. I don't know.. years seem to magically roll around every like 12 months and its always the same thing but this year.. we wont even have our family together, none of those traditions we do each and every year and we're all, all over the place, down at the coast and or overseas in Singapore.  it's not the same when you don't have the people, or you're in a hotel room, or just simply when we're not having NYE at our house for once, it feels kinda odd.

Anyways, there's not much to look forward to tonight, in my opinion it's no big deal, probably head out to dinner.. enjoy our time there.. just the five of us before coming back up and having a few drinks, maybe watch all the special ones walk by.. besides that not a whole lot... and then at 12 i can call it the new year.. woo big deal :)

Well, i hope you all have a great new years eve, leading into your new year, don't get too drunk.. make sure you can remember some of it :D

Frustrations.

Lately I've been so frustrated, irritated so pissed off and agitated. I have do much hate towards my sisters it's unbelievable. I don't know, I can't explain why but she drives me fucking crazy!

Being on holidays makes shit even harder, not being able to get away and disappear or close a door to a room she can't walk into.. I don't know what to do to get away from her and no matter how much I calm down and try again.. The first word out of her mouth pisses me off.

I miss the privacy, the sexing.. Yes the sexing, just everything. Even being alone for days at a time. I MISS it!

"Sometimes a punch to the face is needed to get someones attention"

5 more to go..

Just another day

By the beach!

Foul mood.

Today.. Has sucked balls. I'm so over it and just want to go to sleep.. It's 8:40 pm.. And I want to kill my sister. Meh just another.. Six days left, sigh.

TBC maybe..

For all the people that keep asking...

Thanks for worrying but...

..

Why do things in general never work out in the way I'd like them too?

Hmm..

Mind blown

Wow wow wow!
It was so amazing to be able to see your face tonight, the way you looked at the screen, the way you smiled, would have fallen asleep and wondering all those thoughts that would have been running through your head.. Also as to what you would have been thinking when you saw into the mirror.. Damn you make me so happy. Day by day it just gets better, because of you. Thank you.

Holidays.

Today is the day after Christmas, 26th of December (just in case you didn't all know :P)  and we're going on holidays. In some ways, I'm excited and i can't wait, the beach, the sun, the different atmosphere along with the shopping and all the different things we can do.. the fact that for once we're going as a family, the five of us, i can't remember the last time we did anything like that and I'm sure we all miss it.. the people coming to visit here and there, new years eve and new years day actually being different for one and not hosted at our house.. its just all going to be amazing.. positive look positive outcome right?

I think, for me not to go crazy while we're away.. due to the fact that its going to be a smaller place and we're all going to be on top of each other and have no privacy..  is a lot of alone time, possibly at the beach or by the pool.. I'm going to have to find something or somewhere i can just sit and do what I want to do, away from everyone else. it'll be super interesting to see how things go with my sister and if i wanna pull their hair out by the end :D

Hmmmm, I'm going to miss a few people.. but i guess that's just.. what happens. I'll still keep in contact, knowing me. It's not possible to go away, not even for two days and not spend lots of hours online too.. gotta love technology!

Anyways, I'd just like to wish you all a very happy new year and all the best.. i hope its bigger and better then the last.. I'm sure I'll continue to blog whilst I'm away. Enjoy your week guys :D

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas guys!! 

I hope you have a fab day!

...feelings?

- It DOSEN'T feel like Christmas.

- He honestly, makes me happy

. Scared

. Excited

. Playful 

. Laugh

- Want to Cuddle
- A great distraction through the bad..

- I feel so happy.. but so lost all at the same time..

I say.. take things slow and see what happens, where things go.. and how things end up.

the end ;)

Failure.

Hmmm.. its.. 11pm (ish) here.. and i've had a quite busy night, went to church.. and then after that went to have some dinner & or pancakes with some friends we haven't seen in such a long time.. it was a good night, i spent most of church on my phone, replying very slowly of course so my mum or sister didn't see... hah yeah, bad girl! Anyways..

Point to this post.. is that.. I honestly feel kinda lost as of late, there's so many things i need to do, concentrate on for next year.. or that i need to do next year.. and i'm not sure if they're going to get done in the right time frame, of course eventually they all will but.. i guess we'll just have to see.. 

It's not like if its not done i will be disappointed, but being greek and with my parents beliefs its kinda hard... to not 'fail' for them, and to make them happy. 

We'll see where it all goes.. and i hope it all goes to plan.. that way i can move on to bigger and better things and all will go well for me and i can do as i like!

One Word..

[She's a bitch.. isn't she?]

Meaningful.. 012

You Make Me :-

1) Blog Crazy

2) Cuddle Crazy

To be continued...

Confession.. 013

[Thank you for making day 6 & 7 amazing!]

Meaningful.. 011

Quote.. 003

"Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate."

- David Pratt

All Is Well.

I have had the best five days ever! Not overly a lot has happened, but whatever has, has been amazing... As we known with good always comes bad, so they haven’t been perfect but may as well just focus on what has been awesome.

First it started on Friday night, went out for dinner with my mum and sister.. Sushi of course! We actually sat and spoke, chilled for a while instead of rushing out of there after like 20 minutes, the people around us had changed like three or four times before we even thought of moving, lucky it wasn’t a busy night!

Saturday my sister dragged me out of the house so she could get her spray tan, which didn’t end up happening... i bought some shoes, we had lunch and just chilled a while, saw my sisters friend and gossiped.. Nothing more fun than gossip. Lol. Saturday night was my cousins 18^th... drunk people could never have been so funny.

Hmmm on Sunday, it was just a huge chill day, to put my feet up and relax before work, talk to some people online and catch up on how the week went...

Monday I went to work as usual, left an hour or so early to go to the tattoo/piercing shop with my sister... she spent like an hour talking about her tattoo and I got my nose pierced, I think it looks cute. Everyone I’ve asked says it looks cute too... So must have done something right ;)

Tuesday... new iPhone. (Should explain it all!)

Through all this shit the last couple of weeks, at the moment I’m loving life! I’m going to hold onto this happy streak with both hands and ride it out, they’re always good while they last, and it feels amazing to be so happy for once.

[Thank you to all the people that have stuck by me and been there, one lady in particular... Without you, i don’t know what I’d have done!]

confession.. 012

[these days are amazing.. i miss them.]

Confession.. 011

That is all (:

Day 4.

Time Tooooo.....

Take two steps forward and not look back.. 

It didn't have to end like it did.. but that all falls in his lap...

The End~

Feeling Awful..

The Last week or so, on and off i've been feeling Awful.. its like i'm so incredibly run down that my body can hardly function, it runs odd hot and cold temperatures,  i've had killer headaches, an achey body along with just feeling so blah its not funny :/

I'm thinking it might be a doctor problem.. i mean, how can someone not feel so great every second/third day, without any explanation as to what it may be? my body must be fighting something for this to be happening, and its not going away any time soon, so.. may as well get it checked out i think.

I can't keep going like this.. it makes my whole days so shit.. makes me dread every second of every day that i'm not laying down or asleep.. it's the worse thing ever.

Confession.. 010

[not a moment goes by..without you on my mind]

unsaveable.

This is how i feel a lot of the time.. while I'm so lost and so far away from everyone, everything.. even sometimes these evil thoughts.. but its things I need to sort alone, no one can help me, only I can help myself..

[Thinking of stopping these posts for a while... to concentrate on other things.. we'll see how it goes.]

Day Two

** These posts are just for the people that care and that want to know i'm okay. If you're gonna comment something silly.. go for it but don't get upset if your comment isn't approved. k thanks :) **

I'm feeling a little numb, but I am okay.

Day One..

Today is just the first.. i hope he comes back.. i miss him already, so fucking much..

The Dark Side.

Lately.. well for a while I've hated doing anything.. hated sleeping... hated stopping for a moment to think about anything, hated sitting on the bus to just sitting in the car for two minutes, zoning out is like.. torture.

It eats me inside, it makes crazy, unrealistic, scary, worrying things run through my head, and i can't stop them, i can't change my thoughts (except sometimes one way..) most thoughts have to follow through and or finish.. everywhere i look another crazy though pops into my head, feeds off it, makes it worse, makes me scared, makes me think.. it's not right, its crazy.. and its all beyond my control..

I hate this dark place, this dark side... it freaks me out.. the images that pop into my head are like they're out  of a horror story..  its like I'm in a world of my own, everyone running away and no where to hide.... no one else is there, matters.. its just these thoughts and I.

There are a few issues that come along with these terrible thoughts, the main one effecting my sleeping patterns, the fact that i hate sleeping..  if there is anything i can do to avoid sleeping, I'll do it. even if it means I'll have like three hours of sleep per night, sleeping at the wee hours of the morning.. or staying up long enough for me  to have to force myself to sleep..  it sucks, the next day I'm always so tired, exhausted.. but i have no other choice, it's like I'm afraid to.. close my eyes or to stop keeping my brain busy a moment or two.. because of those thoughts..  its driving me crazy...

more on this another time... i'm sure this is going to be a never ending issue for the moment... and i'll have more to add and to talk about it.. so.. more to come.. for now, this song.

[ Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost

Doesn't mean I'll stop

Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting

Doesn't mean I'm hurt

Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve

No better and no worse

I just got lost

Every river that I've tried to cross

And every door I ever tried was locked

Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off... ]

Hidden Messages...

My Blog is FULL Of them!

- A hidden message is information that is not immediately noticeable, and that must be discovered or uncovered and interpreted before it can be known.

This is todays.. and although they might be obvious with the writing.. there's another hiding underneath..

Confession.. 009

[Yep.. They Won..]

[[ edit..12/12 - and they win again.. don't you see?]]

Best Friends..

[..Little Lovers..]

Quote.. 002

"When something bad happens, you have three choices: you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you"

- Unknown 

Quote.. 001

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

- Christopher Robin to Pooh”

You know, who you are :)

I owe some of these to a few people...

A one big big big one.. to someone inparticular.. (you should know who you are)

No words can express how much you guys mean to me..



Confession.. 008

Lust.. Hope.. Faith..

[it's going.. to be a long journey ahead..and every moment, will be worth it..]

Meaningful.. 010

And I’m alright

Standing in the streetlights here

Is this meant for me

My time on the outside is over

We don’t know how you’re spending

all of your days

Knowing that love isn’t here

You see the pictures

But you don’t know their names

Cause love isn’t here

Chorus

And I can’t do this by myself

All of these problems, they’re all in your head

And I can’t be somebody else

You took something perfect

And painted it red

No sympathy

When shouting out is all you know

Behind your lies

I can see the secrets you don’t show

We don’t know how you’re spending

All of your days

Knowing that love isn’t here

You see the pictures

But you don’t know their names

Cause love isn’t here

Chorus

And I can’t do this by myself

All of these problems, they’re all in your head

And I can’t be somebody else

You took something perfect

And painted it red

When - you took something perfect

And painted it red

You take the best things from me

Then everything gets empty

That’s not a world that I need

Ooh, you take the best things from me

Then everything gets empty

That’s not a world that I need

Ooh

Chorus

And I can’t do this by myself

All of these problems, they’re all in your head

And I can’t be somebody else

You took something perfect

And painted it “red”

When - you took something perfect

And painted it red

(repeat)

You took something perfect

And painted it red 

Unknown Feelings

There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.

- Lucius Annaeus Seneca 

I'm a little.. lost, confused, unsure.. there was something that happened with someone earlier that kinda made me all flat and left me feeling that in some way i had hurt this person but i'm unsure how.. maybe it's nothing considering this person and i haven't really spoken much before the last couple of days where we have spoken on and off, just randomly.. 

It honestly has me thinking now... wondering what this person actually thinks and how they feel, not to say that there should be any specific reason for anything or any specific feeling.. but it has me curious... feeling like i need to ask more questions, that i need to find out.. 

I hate feeling unsure.. i hate feeling like i've done something wrong or upset someone.. 

The random apologies that get thrown out.. not really knowing why that gets them questioning, then not being able to give a reason. Being unsure, lost, uncertain, in a place of the unknown, being out of control and feeling as if something's up.. 

Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through thetears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

— American Proverb

There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen

Flowers.. make me.. so happy!