The Dark Side.

Lately.. well for a while I've hated doing anything.. hated sleeping... hated stopping for a moment to think about anything, hated sitting on the bus to just sitting in the car for two minutes, zoning out is like.. torture.

It eats me inside, it makes crazy, unrealistic, scary, worrying things run through my head, and i can't stop them, i can't change my thoughts (except sometimes one way..) most thoughts have to follow through and or finish.. everywhere i look another crazy though pops into my head, feeds off it, makes it worse, makes me scared, makes me think.. it's not right, its crazy.. and its all beyond my control..

I hate this dark place, this dark side... it freaks me out.. the images that pop into my head are like they're out  of a horror story..  its like I'm in a world of my own, everyone running away and no where to hide.... no one else is there, matters.. its just these thoughts and I.

There are a few issues that come along with these terrible thoughts, the main one effecting my sleeping patterns, the fact that i hate sleeping..  if there is anything i can do to avoid sleeping, I'll do it. even if it means I'll have like three hours of sleep per night, sleeping at the wee hours of the morning.. or staying up long enough for me  to have to force myself to sleep..  it sucks, the next day I'm always so tired, exhausted.. but i have no other choice, it's like I'm afraid to.. close my eyes or to stop keeping my brain busy a moment or two.. because of those thoughts..  its driving me crazy...

more on this another time... i'm sure this is going to be a never ending issue for the moment... and i'll have more to add and to talk about it.. so.. more to come.. for now, this song.

[ Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost

Doesn't mean I'll stop

Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting

Doesn't mean I'm hurt

Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve

No better and no worse

I just got lost

Every river that I've tried to cross

And every door I ever tried was locked

Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off... ]