Explosions.

I found this song on YouTube the other day, just randomly searching, listening while I worked, trying to drown out my thoughts and stop myself going crazy. I like it. might not fit so well with the post but whatever.

I have so much to say, so so much on my mind.. and its certainly driving me crazy. I'll try.. say as much as I can. - No names will ever be mentioned.

One;- I'd say sorry to you, but you don't deserve a sorry. I know, and I've been told to cut you some slack, be just be nice.. which I'm not being mean.. but for what you called me, I couldn't give a fuck if you some how found a hole to rest in for an hour or two. I'd never wish anyone dead, I don't wish you dead, I don't want you to be jealous because of me.. I don't want to hurt you or take anyone away from you, but I can't help how he feels.. can I?

Two;- You, of course, mean the world to me, but I'm sorry.. as you see it now, is how it must say.. unless something magical happens in the near future.  I will always be here for you.

Three;- You're one big confusion. Feelings? No feelings? *shrugs* Whatever. Silence is the key.

Four;- From day one, you were my lover, a couple of.. weeks? later you turned into someone I hated, with a freaking passion, Today, you're like my best friend. You mean an awful lot to me.. even if I don't say so..  and you, you... maybe one day. (Just like you told me the other day.) 

Five;- You annoy me to no end sometimes. I'm glad you're happy again. You truly deserve it.

Best Female Friend? 

Six;- One of the newest friends, I care about you a tonne, but sometimes one needs to learn when to trust and when not too, how much to let someone in and when to see the big picture and turn left before its too late.. I'm so sorry this happened to you, you deserve so so much more. My thoughts are with you.

Seven;- Another new one.. This journey has been so much fun! You're an amazing guy.. a great friend. You deserve the world. 

.Everyone.Equally.Give Everyone, A Fair Chance.

Some of these are short.. but straight to the point. some of you might read this and think..wtf? but others will read and know who I'm talking about. If you can figure it out... good job. ;)

I'm not sure if I should continue this post or, write another one about whatever else is on my mind..

I've decided as of late, *wrinkles her nose* that relationships, online are the worst idea ever.

Of course, I feel so lonely, and there are so many people willing to change it, make me happy and be what they can for me.. but if I'm not going to meet you and be in your arms some time soon, I don't think it could ever be possible. I'm at that stage where.. words just don't cut it.. I need someone that can hold me tight and be there, a shoulder to cry on when I most need it. Instead of some of these *** and extra words just written.. I apologise in advance from now, to everyone ever.. that if I hurt you, its unintentional, that I don't want too and it was never I thought that went through my head.  These thoughts  might change.. if the 'right' person comes a long, but I doubt that, there's a person now, that could be my everything.. but I'm too scared, to much in the mood to run and hide instead of face what others are willing to do and be.

Nothings ever forever. I'm so extremely skeptical, I have so much self doubt, I'm so scared of getting hurt.. that.. for now, I'll just continue to run, because running will keep me safe.. *rolls my eyes*

I type this, and I think, what a load of shit, I know its not correct, I'm not perfect like so many people think, I have more flaws than the average person, I just choose to hide them.. not everyone sees them.. and some how, this makes me perfect? - No one is perfect.